Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
