I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
