we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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