AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize