That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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