Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
