The maid of honor just puked.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
