she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I smell like Dick and happiness
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
