my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
