Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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