It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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