I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i don't like sucking hair
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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