There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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