Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
