oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
