I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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