Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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