I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
