can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
