Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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