i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
