Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
