thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
