I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
