I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
