Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
