I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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