I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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