just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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