Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
