this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
