tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
