Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
