Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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