i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
