a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize