Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
