I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize