the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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