thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
