Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
