its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
