i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
