Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
