My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
