The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
