yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
