i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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