This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
