Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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