Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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