p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
