Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
