What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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