we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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