Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
