So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
