yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
