i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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