Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
