She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
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