I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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