I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
