So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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