Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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