She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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