Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize