so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
