i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I supernannyed him into submission
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
